As a child of God, I trusted Him to lead my steps.
I believed with all my heart that if I prayed and kept my heart close to His that He would protect me and my children from evil.
It was a huge awakening the day I found out my 13-year-old son was diagnosed with AML leukemia. I did not understand how or why God would allow that to happen. After all, I was praying.
I asked the Lord if I had allowed sin in my life. I questioned my belief system that bad things should not happen to good people who are serving God.
The truth is we live in a fallen world and life happens to all of us.
What should our response be when our lives take a sharp unexpected turn?
Trust. Him. Anyway.
Trust Him when your heart is screaming for answers to questions that are completely out of your control.
I remember asking God, “Is Justin going to die?” I asked Him repeatedly for the plan. What was going to happen?
God remained silent.
He allowed me to question Him as a squirming child does a parent on a long trip, “When are we going to get there?”
One day, I woke up and the Lord gently spoke to me in my prayer time. “I do not want you to ask me anymore if Justin is going to die or how long this will last. Do you trust me?”
He led me to a verse in Psalm 131:2, “I have calmed and quieted myself I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.”
I could see that in my mind's eye. I have nursed both of my babies and I understand what a squirming baby does when hungry. Even though their provision is right there, they cannot settle down and latch on because they are too agitated.
I took this verse to heart.
It didn’t happen overnight. I had to train myself to stop asking Him all the questions of when, why, and how.
I learned to sit right next to the Father who held all my provision. All the answers to my questions were in His bosom and He taught me to rest content knowing He would tell me in His time.
This was such a breakthrough for me. I learned more about prayer during this time.
I learned I can bring my desires to God, but ultimately, I am not in control. Prayer is not my time to tell God how or what to do to answer me.
Prayer is my time to make space for His Sovereignty.
I learned through many tears to let God have the final answer to my requests.
I became aware of His Presence.
I could sense Him reaching for me when my heart ached so bad and all I could do was sit with all my unanswered questions.
He was training me to trust Him through suffering.
Life happens to all of us.
Even though God is directing your steps, sometimes an unfavorable turn may take you down a path of suffering,
Trust. Him. Anyway.
Learn to sit with Him as a weaned child with its mother until He gives you the next step.
I believe in you,